we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
That accounts for only three of the penises
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
