I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
