we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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