Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
