2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
