Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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