Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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