Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
