My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
