My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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