We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
They have beer where we have blood.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
