was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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