What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
