My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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