how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
