This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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