I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
