I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
