Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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