I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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