I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
