My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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