im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
