The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
