sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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