I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
