You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
