Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
