i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
