member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
