He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
