It's Friday. Sex?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
