She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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