JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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