I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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