Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
