When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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