I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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