I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
