First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
