i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
