i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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