Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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