do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
