I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
