mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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