So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
