there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
