Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
