Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
