We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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