Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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