At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I love you. Go after that dick
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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