What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
