i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
